Emotional night...

Last night was a bit of an amotional night for me, for some reason... I don't know how many of you keep up with or watch Grey's Anatomy, or Private Practice, well, Rob and I record those and watch them together when I get home on Thursday nights. So, after Rob was done complaining that my chai tea smelled gross, and covering his nose with his blanket and acting like the spoiled child that he is, we watched our shows, and apparently, last night was just not a good time for me to be watching a show where there was a lady on the show that had a brain aneurysm, but was alive and they were going to do surgery, and she would live, ok, so that pulls at my heart strings, because my Dad, he unfortunately was one who did not make it after a brain aneurysm. I miss him so badly, and I wish he was here to see everything for my wedding, cause I know that he would be proud, and be excited for me. And of course, I wish he was here to walk me down the aisle. It will be a sad and happy day all at once. So, then we were watching Private Practice, and there were some parents of a 10 year old girl that lost their house to foreclosure, and they couldn't pay for the girls upcoming surgery, so they abandoned her at the doctors office, and said they didnt want her anymore. Then later in the show, someone said, she has no parents! And that made me just cry and cry and cry, because that is the feeling I get from time to time, since my Dad passed away, and my mom ran away. I know I am 30, but it still hurts, I can only imagine what my sister and brother feel too, it's not good for any of us, but I know we all try our best to hide our feelings on a day to day basis. I just don't understand how my mom claims she wants to start our relationship over, but yet fails to call me or when she does call me, she is more interested in her boyfriend that she couldn't care less what I am saying. And I know what some of you are thinking that I should call her, but as the situation stands, it is not something that I did that made our relationship fail in the first place. Not only that, but I want to see how long it takes her to call me, seeing as though she said she wouldn't miss my wedding, and still hasn't called to ask anything about how it's going or anything. Not only that, but she is the mother of the bride, and she needs a pretty dress. We will see what happens. Well, I guess I should bite my tongue, I just listened to my messages on my cell phone and one of my messages was her, and she called! My mom called to see how things are going with me and with the wedding planning. WOW!!! That makes me happy, that it seems like she cares, especially because today is a day that I feel like she doesn't....it just gets to me sometimes, you know, most of the time I can block it out and pretend like it doesn't hurt me, even though it does. Either way, I know it takes a toll on all three of us, the fact that we lost our Dad, our rock that held our family together, our hero that protected us and showed us the way, and our teddy bear, because even though with Dad's long beard, he looked like he could be mean, but he surely was our teddy bear, he loved unconditionally, (and I know that for a fact, cause we all know I have made some stupid decisions in my life), and Dad loved me and was there for me no matter what!!!! And then, now the fact that our mom moved away to south carolina, and here we are, all of a sudden, in the same year, with no parents. I never thought I would be "that girl with no parents" but I am now. Like I said I know I am 30, and very much old enough to take care of myself, and fend for myself, and make my own decisions, however, it still feels good to have your parents here with you to talk to and ask questions to, and all of that. Not only that, but I do my best to help out my brother, and point him in the right direction on new things that he has never had to do before. He is doing a good job, and I must say better than I thought, he would be, but he is getting through, he just needs to find a new job now...that is the next step on Adam's journey. I must thank Cheryl, she is a GREAT helper, she so far has helped me with our invitations, she has helped fold, and fold and fold. Tomorrow is our day to tie, tie, and tie.....the ribbons that is. So, THANK YOU, Cheryl! You are awesome!! Even though I realize that I probably drive you crazy sometimes, you still like me! Yay!! Thanks! Thanks to all of you who are reading this, and giving me a reason to keep blogging! Live, Laugh, Love.